When I thought about all of the amazing things my body went through in this precious year, I couldn't believe it still worked and was walking around unassisted! So, to honor this awesome body of mine that grew another human being, this week's Top Ten list is (...drumroll...) :
The Most Dreadful Things About Postpartum
- Hemorrhoids - Before I even knew I was going to ever have children, my mom used to tell me that hemorrhoids were like grape clusters. GRAPE clusters? More like a dozen goose eggs, lady!
- A Healing Episiotomy - Need I say more?
- Lack of Sleep - Self explanatory
- The First Poop - MINE, not the baby's
- Being Swollen - Why the heck doesn't anyone tell you?!
- The Realization That The Baby In My Belly Didn't Make Me Look Fat. I WAS JUST FAT.
- Hair Loss - I never knew how vain I really was until my hair started falling out. Thin hair and a swollen body. Good thing I was already married. Otherwise, how would I ever get another date?
- Sex - Who needs it? Not me. (Try telling HBL that...)
- Watching My Nipples Turn Into Cow Udders - Again, self explanatory.
- Lochia - Why? Why? WHY???
I hope this doesn't scare off any future mommies.