Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Things I Thought, Said, and Experienced During Childbirth

Monkey is growing up so fast! It made me sad to think about my baby becoming a big boy soon, but it also got me thinking about all the great memories we’ve made so far.

That includes childbirth.

Fun Fact: While I was pregnant, I convinced myself that I could easily ignore the pains of childbirth.

!!! !@#$%^&*()!@#%!!!

My God, it was agonizing! The contractions!

I did everything I could to lessen the pain. I walked around my room. I grunted out loud. I squatted on the floor. By the time I got to the last three centimeters, I didn’t care what I looked like, what I said, or who stuck their hand in me to check my dilation. All I could do was cry to HBL, “I can’t do this, babe! I want to go home! Should I get the epidural? SHOULD I???”

I will go natural, again, for the next baby. Insanity.

Top Ten Things I Thought/Said/Experienced During Childbirth

  1. Losing all my shame
  2. This is hard. And it hurts
  3. Experiencing REAL begging
  4. Why can’t I remember who told me contractions would feel like really bad period cramps? I want them dead.
  5. To HBL: “Stop talking to me. I don’t want to hear your voice.”
  6. I don’t want to push anymore. Why aren’t they offering me a C-Section?
  7. To my mom: “What do you mean I tore past my episiotomy?”
  8. To the doctor: “Please, just get him ooouuuttt!”
  9. I had a traumatic ‘First Poop’. It involved my mom, Depends underwear, and falling asleep on the bathroom floor
  10. Having hemorrhoids is like having a painful, throbbing goose egg between The Cheeks


Tami said...

LOL, I can't help but laugh! I'm with you! The pain, the hurting, Oooh gosh did it hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!

I did 38 hours of labor with my oldest. 38 long agonizing hours to hear, the babies head is too big he's over 10 pounds and how much over we can't tell you! I wanted to grab a my I.V needle and stab them all with it. LOL

I had an emergency C-section and my 11 pound 7 oz baby boy was born, with a 15 1/2 inch HEAD!
I feel your pain, I remember it, he was so big I couldn't eat the last 2 weeks, can you imagine if I had eaten?! 14 pounds I bet!
heh heh, top that off none of my newborn stuff fit him! I had to get all new stuff to bring him home (Thank you mommy) LOL
Thankfully I never got roids! ek, I'm sorry!

You'd do it all over again though right? You soon forget, and remember how awesome it is to hold your precious baby in your arms.
It was so worth the c-sections and feeling like my insides would spill out any second! hehheh

3 Bay B Chicks said...

My friend, I say this with all the love in the world, but what the hell were you thinking?? Who fooled you into thinking that natural childbirth was the way to go? I almost died waiting for the epidural. You are a much, much stronger woman than I could will ever be.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the roids. Ugh. It is a reality that is beyond description.

Great, great post!


Mary K Brennan said...

So you were the chick screaming in the room next to me? Just kidding. No matter what you've been told, it's all a lie. My first was a preemie (3lbs. 13ozs.) I was actually 5 meters dialated before anyone told me I was in labor. He took 3 pushes. My second was just under 10 lbs. (No C-Section) There are just no words to describe that experience. The epidoral was given too early and wore off. The baby got stuck (yes, stuck). I thought I would never walk again. Turns out, I did. But I'm quite happy with 2 little boys. P.S.- Hemoroids are forever!

Insanity Kim said...


My epidural failed in that it only numbed everything BUT my crotch...I suffered like that for TWO HOURS before the anesthesiologist came back to shoot me up with another one. Can you imagine what I said during those two hours? Not a lot of it was distinguishable, but it was loud, and scary! I ended up having a c-section. Go figure.

Wifey said...

This is classic! After two hours of pushing, they offered me a C-section but I said "Oh No - Not after all the work I just did" and out popped my son!

Love this.

Winks & Smiles,

One half of The BlogRollers

ModernMom said...

I think every woman who has given birth can relate to this one.
If it's any consolation..that second kid pops out a lot faster!

Jenjen © GottaLoveMom said...

Do stop by my site, I have something for you - http://gottalovemom.blogspot.com/2009/04/blogger-awards-thank-you-and.html

Keep smiling =D

Veronica Lee said...

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Moms On The Go said...

All so true,

I am following you as well now:)

Banteringblonde said...

lol ... i remember being pissed off because there were a LOT of things my girlfriends had never shared about teh whole experience!

Journey on! by Kelleye said...

I can so relate! Though I did one epidural and 3 natural and you can bet the epidural was the first! I would not do one of those again if my life depended on it- we were created to have babies and it works! Not to mention, I love jumping up out of bed afterwards unlike the days it takes with the epidural- actually mine weeks and months.
I thought mine was unnatural at a 14 3/4's head Dang girl! 11 lbs- OMG!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I can absolutely relate! Except that I did opt to get an epidural - except that it only numbed one side of me and was pretty much useless...and SO true about the hemorrhoids!!


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