This post is dedicated to my two friends, N, a first-time mommy who gave birth just a few days ago, and M, a soon-to-be-mommy, enjoying being a first-time preggo:
Guys, welcome to your new life. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve been enrolled in Motherhood University, and guess what? You’ll be a sixth year senior for the rest of your life.
I’m not here to rain on your parade. I’m here to help you. Lovingly. Chances are, you’re skimming over what I’m writing anyway, since you’re so heavily engrossed in First Time Mommy Bliss. That’s okay. I expect that. What I want is for you to pull this out when you finally need it, so you won’t ever say, “How come no one ever told me all this when I was pregnant?”
For your future use, the most useful advice I can offer you, according to my experience:
• If someone offers to hold or take care of your baby, let them do it. Then go. To. Sleep.
• All kinds of things are going to happen to your body. Weird, unusual things. Don’t be embarrassed. EVERY mother has gone through it. Want proof? Ask one of them
• Do all of these things: Sleep. Sleep. Eat. Love on your baby. Sleep. Sleep. The particular order will be up to you (PLEASE do this, as it could be your last chance. Sooner rather than later, you will be begging someone to let you sleep and eat, but won’t get to)
• Let your house go to pot. It may hurt to watch your lovely, previously childless house turn into a pigsty, but it’s okay. You know why? Because your house will never be clean again. You have a child now, might as well get used to it
• Don’t be proud. For goodness sake, you are not Superwoman, no one thinks you should be Superwoman, no one wants you to be Superwoman. If someone says to sleep/rest/stop doing something or other, listen to them and DO IT
• There may be moments when you feel so completely overwhelmed, all you want to do is cry. Go ahead and let it out. Your husband may think you are going nuts, you may even think you’re going nuts. You are not going nuts. Just cry. You'll feel so much better
• When you’re a new mom, everyone has advice for you. Heck, even when you’re an experienced mom, everyone has advice for you! Sometimes you want it, most times you don’t. Don’t worry, there’s a solution! Acquire a new skill: selective hearing. You’ll learn how to tune out those opinions/people you don’t care for in no time!
Every new mother, regardless of her previous experiences with children, can be heard saying any of the following:
1. “Agh! The baby is crying! What do I do???”
2. “He’s _ (FILL IN THE BLANK) _!!! Is that normal?!”
If you find yourself asking any of these questions, don’t be alarmed. Go to your nearest Safe Person (a mom) and she will be more than willing to help.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Sleep. You’ll probably not get to for another twenty-five years.