My name is Jennifer.
I am a shopaholic.
This past week, I have been dealing with a most incredibly stressful and uncomfortable event. Actually, I am still working through it: The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.
It’s bringing me down, yo!!! I overspent. And actually had guilt! Major buyer’s remorse. Who the...? What the...?
This is a good thing… I suppose. Since I randomly started taking care of myself, I’ve noticed that it has strangely nudged my thinking into a different direction: living my life more purposefully and meaningfully.
Who am I, a grown-up or something?!
Cleaning up my outside life has started to stir up my inside life: like the realization that I am a crack addict for shopping. It doesn’t matter if it’s going to the grocery store, going to Target, or if an item is fifty cents or three hundred dollars. I. Don’t. Want. To. Leave. Empty. Handed.
So, like a pimple, all of my spiritual ‘puss’ is coming to the surface, and I’m having a hard time popping this zit. I’ve been laying awake almost every night, sweating my NAS purchases, fighting with God over why I should keep all the things I bought. But points that He raised were the following:
1. I’m not working anymore
2. Putting it on a credit card doesn’t mean I’m not ‘spending’ money
3. I withheld information (i.e. LIED) – After hearing HBL’S reaction when I gave him a running total of my spending, I sort of didn’t tell him about a bag that I bought… sorta…
4. I lied to my husband about the price of one purchase – Dear Lord, I hope he never reads this!
5. It’s not about what I bought, it’s that I lied about them
6. It’s not loving to shop, it’s the motivation behind the shopping
STOP. CALLING. ME. OUT.
You’ll be happy to know that I am completely ashamed of my behavior and won’t be doing it again – ESPECIALLY the lying to HBL part. Yuck. I have since returned items sitting in my closet that still had tags on them. And the NAS goodies are waiting in shopping bags, ready for return today.
You can imagine HBL’s confusion, watching me remove items from my closet as opposed to putting items into it. I told him I was returning my NAS buys, and he said, “Why? You can keep them babe, just don’t spend like that anymore.”
♥ LOVE ♥
I am contemplating keeping one item. And of course, it’s the most expensive one. The one my husband doesn’t know about…
One step at a time.