Thursday, July 16, 2009

Sleepless (and Aging Quickly) in Las Vegas

Point One: As I write this, it has been one year, two weeks, six days, three hours, twenty four minutes, and twenty eight seconds (approx.) since I have slept more than three and a half hours straight.

Point Two: In my quest to take care of my body, I am becoming more increasingly alarmed by the fact that it is exactly what I am lacking (sleep) that is bringing me closer to looking like Abe Vigoda versus Sophia Loren.

I’m reading this stupid anti-aging book that is obviously aimed at my childless sisters (or my empty nesting ones), since the author clearly is listing two things as the reason for not getting any sleep: work or partying. The author does write a very quick blip about mom’s who aren’t getting any sleep:

“Or maybe you are a first-time mom adjusting to a new baby.”


This is all you can give me? This is it? That’s all? That’s it?

I suppose the violence in my response comes from the fact that I had another sleepless night and am writing this post in the wee hours of the morning while Baby Monkey and HBL sleep peacefully and soundly.

I suppose it is also due to the fact that though I am getting to bed at a decent hour, attempting to catch those elusive ZZZs, I wake up five to six times a night, regardless, because of my crying child and my “sleep through the Apocalypse” husband.

I suppose it is because most people’s advice for me is to just ‘go to sleep when the baby is asleep’. Big. Fat. Chance. What with trying to fall asleep, then falling asleep for ten minutes, then being forcefully woken up by baby, then getting out of bed, then spending time comforting the babe, then putting the babe back to sleep, and then me getting into bed again, the cycle, that vicious, vicious cycle, continues.

Has my rant sterilized you potential parents out there? I’m sorry. In all true, bottom of my heart honesty, there really is no other joy than to see the cuteness that is the Fruit of Your Loins growing and playing and loving on you. Your heart will explode several times a day from this kind of love. So have kids. They are a blessing.

But on the other hand, speaking from a place of vanity, censor-less frankness, and serious, serious sleep deficit: I want to sleep. I want to look as young as I can for as long as possible. I want to follow the rules of this book and sleep. I want to follow the rules of this book and reverse the aging that has taken place because of stress and sleeplessness. I want to follow the rules of this book and stop the aging process so I can look at my face in the mornings and not worry every time I look in the mirror that I’m slowly beginning to resemble this:

old lady Pictures, Images and Photos
 The Vigoda has spoken.


blueviolet said...

All you gotta do is stop smoking the cigars and you'll be fine.

Tami said...

LOL, I hate to inform you.. but once the baby grows up..and starts driving you'll be up ALL NIGHT LONG waiting for them to come home. Your head craving a pillow, your eyes full of sand, dying to close..knowing you could sleep your life away..and the lil buggers are LATE coming home. its now 2:30am and you haven't slept since the night before..up at 4:00am to go to work FROM THE DAY BEFORE!..and your kids are enjoying themselves havin a grand ol time while you suffer the bags, and wrinkles of lack of sleep..and stress..

How I adore my children..and thank them daily for EVERY. SINGLE. GRAY. HAIR! and wrinkle of course!

I rarely sleep..Thanks to my children.

I wouldn't change a thing though..LOL. I know your pain =(

Look at him and gobble him up.. before you know it..he'll be 16 and begging for the car..heh heh.

I always say NO .

Manic Mother said...


Mighty M said...

I usually only wake up once or twice a night, which means every 3-4 hours. Hey! Guess I am in the same boat...and here I was thinking I was nice and well-rested! :-)

Swoozie said...

I recall a time when I had boundless amounts of energy that never ended ~~~~~~ well, that all came to an abrupt STOP when I became pregnant with my first nearly 3 years ago and, two kids later, I fear that "energy" is GONE FOR GOOD!

It makes me sad.

What makes me even sadder is that I have been reduced to smearing Strivectin cream all over my face in a valiant attempt to stop the evil aging process. TO NO AVAIL.

Oh heck, Vic? You may as well hand me one of those cigars.....I'll join you!

Mommy24cs said...

Ahh sleep. I remember sleep. I don't think I have had a really good sleep since before I became a mother. Maybe back in my senior year when I was constantly tardy for oversleeping. It seems that once I became a mother 17 years ago, I also was blessed with bat like ears and will now wake up to every single sound that could possibly be made. My eyes snap open at the sound of a foot hitting the side of the bed and I have to get up to make sure no one fell out of bed!

Best to lay off the cigars though, they will cause wrinkles even faster ;op

Jen said...

Sleep is def not the key to looking young... it is called plastic surgery or botox! j/k I truly don't believe that :)

I hope you are eventually able to find some time to sleep. GL

James Ricardo The Actor said...

Boo, sleep will come when the baby is the right age, so no worries..LOL...Anyway, you are not aging, and your body looks amazing. I have pics to prove it! Trust me!

Kekibird said...

So THAT's why I have 20 extra lbs on me. NO SLEEP! Makes sense since I can count on one hand the times I've slept more than 5 hours in a row since my son was born. I love him and being a mom but I miss sleep too.

Hang in there!

Nina said...

I feel your pain...
Both my boys were/are not sleepers as babies. My 22 month old still wakes up once a night every night. I know once a night sounds like heaven but at 22 months I feel as though I am never going to sleep a full night again. I can't tell you the last time I had a dream.

Helene said...

Yeah, this is definitely the one thing no one warns you about when you're about to have a child. The sleep deprivation I'm sure has contributed to premature death for many mothers. There were many times I seriously thought I'd die from lack of sleep.

Oh and the advice "sleep when the baby sleeps" never worked for me either. There was nothing worse than just starting to drift off to sleep only to hear the little ones crying after 10 minutes. I'm much better off getting NO sleep than just a few minutes here and there.

OceanDreams said...

Ha ha, I am sure you won't look like that old lady - you will be a young and hip mom!! I hope you get some sleep soon - I want kiddos in the near future but I think I will be in trouble, I love sleep way to much!

Banteringblonde said...

UGH I remember those days and they seem endless! BUT sleep does come at some point. That whole sleep when the baby sleeps thing used to piss me off. YA not likely!

Alicia said...

Oh my...I do remember those sleepless nights! I always referred to myself as a zombie!!!!

Don't worry girl, it won't be long till you will be able to have at least five hours of sleep! LOL!

tanya said...

Oh boy, I remember those early days vividly. Now I sleep a bliss filled 6 hours and I am still tired.
It will get better...I promise... okay, fingers crossed then LOL

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Yep. It gets to the point where you are not even rational any longer. Which, fun at first, gets old. I hope you sneak a nap in sometime soon my dear!

sues2u2 said...

It will get better. Of course then they decide to come sleep w/ you & Hubby! Actually I love that my baby (7) stills needs her Dad & I. As a matter of fact she is sleeping in my computer room while I type!

At the risk of sounding heartless & I'm also not certain how old your little one is, have you thought of letting him cry it out? I only would advise this w/ an older baby. I hated it w/ my first but it did work. Not w/ my second though. Just a thought though.

Makeup Theory said...

Funny to hear a rant from a mom reading a book and feeling like she's not addressed. I rant a lot about buying books that ALWAYS address moms (as though the term "woman" is interchangeable with "mom"). Maybe we should swap books. LOL

I've never wanted kids. Sleepless nights is just one of many reasons, but blessings to you and your little one. Hopefully he'll start to crash early and sleep through the night - so you can, too.

Annette Piper said...

Sleep deprivation is mean and ugly. But we all go through it - and we survive. I don't know if we ever fully recover of course.

Any chance of an afternoon nap (I love my nanna naps!)

Zeemaid said...

boy do I know where you are coming from. It's amazing how lack of sleep can make you feel crazy, cranky and old and not in that order. *L*

I've gone through the whole can't get back to sleep once the baby gets me up but 3 kids later and I can say that's no longer a real problem. I am just too tired.

Stephanie Stearns Dulli said...

Oh my gosh do I hear you on this one! And on the nights that he does sleep through...I am still waking up at his 'usual' wake up times. Sigh.
Sleep when the baby sleeps? Clearly advice from people who have no babies.
And naptime? Forgeddaboutit. My kids just treated me to 15 whole minutes of nap. Yay! Almost enough time to eat...

Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

Where did you get my picture from?!

Only kidding.

I think.


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