Monday, September 7, 2009

The Honeymoon Is Over

It’s official: the honeymoon is over. HBL and I? We have now crossed over into ‘real’ marriage.

I’m reading your mind: you’re thinking, “Huh?”

Well, like a lot of you out there, I have normal marital gripes: toilet paper never being replaced, stinky clothing everywhere but the hamper, sports on TV, etcetera, etcetera. Little did I know that that was the honeymoon phase.

He did it, friends. That man did it to me.

The recall is making me cringe.

Last night, HBL and I were in the kitchen. While I was washing dishes, minding my own business like I always do, he decided to leave. But, before he left, he gave me a parting gift. He turned his body - so we were back to back - and leaned against me… and cut the gouda.

That man farted on me!

Did you even hear what I said?! He F-A-R-T-E-D on me! The last time I was ever farted on was NEVER!

Why.
Is.
This.
My.
Life.
Now?

If you are lucky enough to be married to a man with manners, hold on to that Keeper, ladies. Hold on to him, TIGHT. You could be married to someone like my HBL.

Forever.

… Did I mention FOREVER?

35 comments:

Manic Mother said...

Welcome to the club...my husband told me the other day "you wouldn't even know what crop dusting was if it weren't for me"!

Buckeroomama said...

That's his brand of romance... maybe? It's his way of saying, "I'm so glad I can be myself around you!"
Heh.

blueviolet said...

Shoot, the minute my husband put a ring on it...he began to let it fly. Consider yourself a lucky woman.

Shelly said...

LOL Oh my! My hubby still has manners and we've been married 3 years. If he did that, I don't know what I would do.

Sherry said...

Disgusting!

I'm a second wife--I think my DH learned a lot of what not to do during his trial run. ;)

CenzLuccsMom said...

LMAO!! Ah, truelove!!! I am sitting here just cracking up at your post today!!! My Hubby knows he would be in major trouble!!!

LZ @ My Messy Paradise said...

you are so funny! But, so is farting...J never farting around me and then once in the middle of a huge argument, he let one rip. It totally broke the tension, but unfortunately, it has become a habit. Be thankful you had this long without it...

Insanity Kim said...

We just watched Bill Engvall on Netflix; watch his special and you might feel better, maybe...

Veronica Lee said...

LOL, sounds like my hubby! He has done 'nastier' stuff!!
Yeap, forever sounds scary but we wouldn't want them any other way now, would we??!!

Mary K Brennan said...

We've been waiting for you Jen. There's no turning back now. You've definitely earned your membership!

James Ricardo The Actor said...

LOL!!!!!! Now you have to Fart back! You can do it put your back into it! LOL Love ya boo

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

You're lucky. What took him so long...

Annie said...

You post made me laugh out loud - while the kids were sleeping, and I almost woke them up!

We only have 1 bathroom, so we are used to each others smells now if you now....yay marraige!

I hate to admit it....but I was the first to fart on him, not him on me. It was a total accident - I was sitting on his lap cuddling and I felt my tummy hurt....I was so embarrassed! But we are together forever, so he is stuck with me! LOL

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Glad to find someone that is "kinda" green like me :)

Alicia said...

Hahaha!! Oh, that is such a guy thing, huh???

But, I do have to say that my hubby has never laid one on my like that! If he did, I'd probably bust up laughing!

Drahdrah said...

That is too funny... my hubby never farted ON me... but hey, he's yours and you're keeping him, so you gotta laugh about it !

The Blonde Duck said...

LOL. I'm sorry, I know it's sad. But it's funny too. :)

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

WAY too funny! I guess my 'honeymoon' was over before we got married...(snicker!)

Mighty M said...

Hilarious!! It gets worse, believe me. ;-)

Annette Piper said...

Oooooh, yeah, honeymoon is DEFINITELY over! Welcome to the real world LOL.

Sharon said...

You GOTTA do it back! lol

Theta Mom said...

Sad but true my friend!

Muthering Heights said...

LOLOLOL, I suppose you have a lot of that in your future, between he and your son...

Zeemaid said...

oh I so hope you doused his head in the sink. That's awful. I know husbands find their body odours and farts funny but yuck. My brother does that to his wife too and they've been together 15+ years. She actually told me if she was ever going to leave my brother it would be because of the farting.... let HABL be warned.

*L*

Nap Warden said...

Speechless:O

Helene said...

I'm totally LMAO because just tonight after we were done eating dinner my hubby was ripping them left and right with me screaming at him, "You are SOOO disgusting". It didn't help that the kids were laughing and saying "do it again, Daddy". Sometimes I feel so alone in this house!!

"Cut the gouda"...that line right there had me in hysterics!!

angie said...

He saves his farts for the kids.....thank goodness. Welcome to the great abyss. :)

Kimberly said...

You have never been farted on? Really? Both my dad and my brother did this to me. Then my hubs did and now my children. In fact, I had to get really serious with little Oscar and tell him he was gonna have a time out because his little butt just would not stop! Whats seriously gross is one time I witnessed Benji trying to smell little Oscar's butt and then little Oscar cut the gouda. Right in his little brothers face! That was sick, truly sick! I guess that its true what they say, boys will be boys.

Kimberly said...

I forgot to mention, I think that you cross into real marriage when you decide to give him a taste of his own medicine and fart right back on him!

Mrs. Fish aka Two Fish said...

How long have you been married? Feel lucky...mine started doing it when I started doing it! UGH...MEN!!

Kristy Montgomery said...

lmao. That was so funny that I had to show it to my husband. He reminded me that I was the first to let it rip in this relationship. lol. I wasnt' on purpose and is not a regular thing. However, my husband and our 11 year old DAUGHTER were farting and burping on each other while we playd the wii last night. They thought it was hilarious and were cracking up as I was dry heaving in the corner.

The Bumbles said...

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I have never been farted on intentionally - but I get made when it happens in his sleep - I'm always waking him up and yelling at him for farting on me when I was snuggled up half asleep minding my own business. You do crack me up ;0)

Tracey said...

Welcome to the club! What's to come: nose picking, crotch scratching and teeth picking.

Catherine @ The Blonde Diaries said...

Oh my! I'm not sure how I would have responded to that one. I feel for you there. I pray mine never does that to me.

ModernMom said...

Could have been worse...he could have cut that cheese in bed!

Deb said...

I hope you put an end to that right then and there! Not that I have that kind of control over my own manly man--I think farting is a contact sport for some, er, most of them.

Makes me think of the time one of our friend's kids had such a load of poop in the toilet that it wouldn't flush--then his dad called all of the other dads at the party into the bathroom to check it out.

It's good to be a woman, isn't it?

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