You would think that with all the whining and complaining I do about being tired, and not getting enough sleep, and having a crooked spine from having to carry my two-ton baby around, that I wouldn’t have such a hard time with cutting his hair. But, I do. I did.
Last night, we cut Monkey’s hair for the first time. I tied up his baby mullet with a ribbon and HBL took a picture of me snipping it off.
And the feelings started to bubble.
Then HBL took over and started trimming around his ears, complaining about how it takes two people to cut the hair off of one toddler’s head.
And the knot in my stomach started to grow.
Then HBL gave up, with my poor sweetheart wearing half a bowl cut and half a girl’s bob. I had to take over. I evened it out as best as I could, and the end result was crooked and cute.
But then, he was done. He started running around, jumping on the couch as if nothing had changed, nothing had happened. And I sat there, watching him, looking at him, and started bawling my eyes out, mourning my little boy, my tiny baby boy.
As I type this, my eyes are welling with tears. I’m trying really hard not to have a complete and utter breakdown over this first haircut of his, but HBL literally had to hug the tears out of me. He was so matter-of-fact about the haircut, “He’s a year and a half. He needed a haircut.”
Blah, blah, blaaaaah. I’m busy missing my baby!
HBL was clearly confused by my reaction to the whole thing. He said, “Babe, he’s still the same!” And of course, I had to tell him it wasn’t about the haircut but what it symbolized!
I miss my sweet baby! If you can recall in previous posts, I’ve mentioned how I felt like I was out of sorts in his early months (heck, I was out of sorts till he was one!). And now that I feel like I’m actually getting to enjoy him, he’s growing up into a boy. And soon, he’ll be a teen. And then a man. And then bye-bye mommy!
I really should not be working myself up like this, but I can’t help it. It feels like breaking up with your first real love, only an infinite amount worse!
Oh Monkey! I miss you already! I miss you, I miss you, I miss you! I love you forever!
BTW: Sorry I’ve been M.I.A. Chalk it up to a combination of the holidays, life, and laziness.