I know many of you may be (or already have been) getting your grub on, heartily. But, I realize there may be a small amount of you - in the back of your mind - having a bit of concern about what you're consuming (ribs, burgers, chips, beer, etc.) and the amount (tons, boat loads, garbage bags full) you're consuming today! Well, take this post as my personal PSA - I'm here to help you get through and dump that guilt!
(I got this scientific information from a mass email forward I had recently received. And you know what they say about mass forwards, right? I don't, but I'm hoping you do.)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up the heart does not make you live longer; it's like saying you can extend the life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, so that means they take water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain... good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Food is fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they are permeated by it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It is the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain a whale to me...
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. So eat up this holiday and enjoy yourselves! So I leave you with this patriotic song to continue to lift your spirits throughout this glorious holiday!
God Bless America!